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April 7, 2020

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Relationships Uncategorized

Selling my family home

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I’m sitting in this garden for the last night.  The sun is low in the sky and the birds are calling to each other before nightfall.  I’m cold, there’s a cool wind blowing, but that’s not what I am feeling.  Sadness, regret, happiness, fear all of those things.  It’s almost time to go.  How can I leave?

 I walk slowly round the garden that my Dad planted.

We are down 6 fish in the pond. The kookaburra must have eaten the other 14. The lawn is looking decidedly brown, but the hose must sit carefully tightly coiled for months to come. The water restrictions are in place and the fires are too close for comfort.  How long ago was it that  a dear family friend planted it out.  A favour repaid she did is so well done that it is positively blooming.  Australian natives not the roses, hollyhocks and cottage plants I wanted but Australian natives, strong hardy plants just like her.    My neighbour Ian is getting in his washing and he calls out to me over the fence.

“I see you have sold then.”

“Yep it was only up on the internet for 24 hours I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t be so fast.

it’s a sad day for Sue and me”.

“We’ll miss you too Ian, I remember you moving in with the child bride”

“Just had our silver wedding”

I know we went to the party.  There quite a few parties, wasn’t there?

We chatted 10 minutes, just had we had always done…. he’s a bit far right in his politics for me but he will do….he drove my husband to hospital when he broke all his fingers walking along the beach  and his wife left flowers when my dog died…good honest people ..I will miss them.

The house is bulging with memories, a wedding, a funeral, a birth.  Christmas was always spent here, sometimes just the 2 of us, sometimes 16.  Sometimes we had to adjust the seating as 3 of the family were pregnant all at the same time.  There are a lot of Christmases in 45 years and a lot of memories.  As I shut the door for the last time and walk down the drive, I look at the sign on the front lawn, it has a huge triumphant SOLD sign on it,

The new people will make it their own.  They seem quite nice but who knows.  I hope they will be kind to the house because it has been very kind to me.

Relationships

A ghost from the past

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Richard can’t go five minutes without a coffee, cake or a glass of wine. He drinks far too much of the latter. He knows that, I know that

I adore him and I love him dearly, not in a romantic sense of course, too old for that nonsense and anyway I am married.   I love him the way you loved someone who was married to your closest friend   A friend who knew you before you dyed your hair, before you read any books of any importance, before you got an education before you did anything much really.

 She knew you when you dressed like Audrey Hepburn, smoked cigarettes, wore black jeans, that was when you weren’t wearing white boots and miniskirts.    She and I went on the Dover ferry to France for 3 days, we drank cheap red wine. smoked galloise cigarettes and spoke appalling French.

Her husband Richard just became part of us somehow.  I can’t remember when he appeared, but he did and that was the end of us eying up boys in pointed shoes and sideburns.  But that was 50 years ago but nothing much has changed.  We drink better wine, and we still can sing all the words of the Beatles songs whilst cleaning up after dinner.

He drinks far too much red wine, he says it lowers his Blood pressure, he’s a doctor he should know,

“A doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient: I say

I know that he says, you’re always saying that.

“just because your son has a vineyard and you’ve done some course at Night school you reckon, you’re a sommelier.

I know that I’ve got my reasons.

I know the reason.  7 years ago, we went through hell.

Together we sat helplessly in intensive care, you can’t drink much wine in there, after his wife my closest friend had a medical emergency on a Qantas plane, 10 minutes before landing at Sydney Airport.  They were on their way to visit us.   Richard and I pooled our medical resources and knowledge, we called in all the favours of every doctor or treatment we knew.  We lived and breathed it together.  We rarely talk about it these day but both of us know.

That’s why we drink wine

Uncategorized

Breakdown

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“I think your husband doesn’t like me”

“Sorry Richard what did you just say?”

“I said I don’t feel safe anymore, I think he threatened me yesterday at lunch.”

I looked around the restaurant to see if anyone was potentially eavesdropping on our conversation but most of the clientele were just idly eating their lunches, the older couple in the far corner  sitting in companionable silence, the table of twenty somethings nearby were all talking at once and pouring over their phones.

Sorry, can you say that again, I think I misheard you.  Are you saying that James threatened you?  When?

“Yesterday at lunch”

“well I was there I don’t remember that, why didn’t you say so at the time?

I looked around for my husband, I hoped he was going to come back from the loo.  But actually, no I didn’t want him to come back just yet, at least until I had worked out whether it was all a joke or something more sinister was going to take place.  I felt my heart rate quicken and my breath was coming in short sharp movements.  What on earth was he talking about.  Had James really threatened him, surely not they had been friends since they were medical students together almost 45 years ago.  They had seen each other through all that life can throw at you, the emigration of his children to Australia the long protracted illness of his late wife, a grief that had lasted 7 years and was still  so painful still that he couldn’t mention her name without tears.

I looked over at him to see if I could read anything from his face.  He was the gentlest, kindest GP you could ever wish to meet, the most non-judgemental person in the world and yet when I looked at him, really looked at him, he looked back at me with hatred.

“Jesus, Richard what brought this on”. I tried the slightly off hand way of questioning him.  Making light of it

He sat in silence for a moment and then said

I don’t know but I feel I am at the crossroads of my life. I don’t know what I should be doing.  Richard poured himself another glass of wine, nothing unusual about that, even though it was lunch time I had noticed before he could easily get through a bottle or 2 on his own.

There was a silence between us that felt uncomfortable, not the easy silence that we often enjoyed.  Just sitting in his garden or in ours, looking at the view.  And I was beginning to feel very uneasy.

“You know it’s not just James, I don’t feel safe with Edward either.  Edward was his son who lived in Australia.  You know he tried to kill me once.

Really Richard? but you and he get on so well, we’ve all just been to his wedding not 2 months ago. We all had such a lovely time.  Edward was so grateful for everything you did; you drove the bridesmaids to the wedding in your Land Rover.  You got up at 6 am to take the Land Rover to the car wash and to empty it of bales of hay, it was such a laugh.  I know it was a bit sad that Edward’s Mum was not there to see it, but you had Jenny with you, she’s your life now.

No, she’s bloody not, she’s nothing like Sally, my kids hate her and she’s always talking to her ex-husband on the phone.  She walked out on her husband because she was bored so she will probably get bored with me too and then where will I be? Homeless, at my age.

I suddenly felt very sick, with unusual clarity I could see where this was going.  Shit, he was going to have a bloody nervous breakdown in front of everyone in the hotel.  I scanned the room for my husband, he was being a bloody long time in the toilet, yet I didn’t really want him to come back to this.

Richard got up and left the table.  I could see him at the reception desk.  I think he was paying the bill for our lunch.  Oh, goody he is back to normal and he just needs a breather.  I sighed with relief.

I got up from my seat and went over to him at the reception desk.  Just to signal all was well between us I put my arm around him to comfort him and to reassure him. I had done it hundreds of times before.  

The next thing I was sent reeling.  He pushed me away with such force that I almost hit the floor. At first, I didn’t know what had happened and then the horrible realisation that he had hit me.  I fled to the lady’s toilet and sat on a chair. Take some deep breaths, I said to myself, in for 6, hold for 4, out for 6 again. Memories of a relaxation course I once did but never thought it did much.  One of the reception staff came into the toilet and asked me if I was OK.  She didn’t say much but it occurred to me then that it was all on CCTV cameras.   The hotel didn’t want any trouble, they probably thought we were married, and it was a domestic incident.

After a while I went back to the table and sat down.  My husband had returned to the table in the meantime and had seen it all.  He had obviously assessed the situation well; he wasn’t angry with Richard just quietly said.

Have you ever felt like this before Richard?

“Yes”, he said “but never as bad”. 

I think it’s best if we get you home and talk about this. Judy will drive your car, I am as drunk as you are, we will put you to bed and we will never speak about this again.

Relationships

Dumped by my God daughter

updated on

Yup I have been dumped! Yup at the right old age of 68 ¾ I have been dumped.

Actually,to be technically, politically correct, trendy in keeping with the on-trend granny that I am I have actually been Ghosted.  So, I should be pleased really, ghosted is a much better term, and Sally, my best friend and rival in all things won’t have a clue what it really means.

She should though. It’s her daughter who has dumped me.  My God daughter, my confidante, the little girl who thought I was the best Godmother in the world, who would tell me stuff (and I would tell her stuff) that would make her Mum shocked to the core.  I’ve met all her unsuitable blokes and kept shtum but this latest chap of hers had me doing things no godmother should…I gave her some advice.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have said

“Leg it darling, don’t walk, run don’t put up with his shit anymore. Get out of there before you end up under the Harbour Bridge… well it would be Tower Bridge in her case because she lives in London.

Someone who has been in your life since the day they were born has suddenly gone and I don’t know why.  It’s a bugger

Relationships

Snazzy Granny has lost the will to live!

updated on

I took my dad to the eye surgeon today. We have waited months for this elusive appointment. This is not the first time we have been to have Dads cataracts looked at.  We have been through  the whole thing of being examined, paying the bill, booking an admission date and being counselled by some self-important assistant sitting at  a large desk, assuming the medical status of her boss and  telling us all the possible things that could go wrong.  I can’t remember whether going blind or dying under the anaesthetic scared Dad the most.  

 Last time he got as far as getting to the hospital admissions desk before doing a runner and telling the nurse “he would think about it”

This time I thought that this was hopefully going to be the day he decided to have the operation.  After all he couldn’t read the racing news.

The surgeon carefully went through all the pros and cons again and then Dad stood up and said.

“Thank you for your time young man, I will think about it.

We made our way out of the office, gingerly down the stairs and out into the street.

It was raining hard, I took his arm and held him firmly. 

‘I can’t see a bloody thing” he said’ and then I felt him slip from my grasp and both of us fell headlong into the gutter.

Winded, I started to say something, but no words came out, the irony of the situation hit us both and we burst into laughter and lay in a huge puddle in the gutter.