Dear Paul,
I’m so glad you came to me with this question! It shows me that you’re thinking seriously about relationships and that you care about making a girl feel special. I wanted to take a moment to give you some advice from my own experience—having grown up in the 1960s, a time when things were very different in terms of dating, relationships, and what was expected of us.
When I was your age, dating and relationships weren’t as casual or open as they are today. Back then, girls were expected to follow certain rules about how they behaved, and it was rare for a young woman to have the kind of freedom you and your friends have today when it comes to exploring relationships. But even though the world has changed, the basics of what girls want in a boyfriend haven’t really changed—and I think those things are still just as important now as they were back then.
Be Respectful
First and foremost, I want you to understand that girls want to feel respected. When I was younger, respect was often shown by little things like opening a door, saying “please” and “thank you,” and showing politeness. While the world has evolved, the need for respect hasn’t gone away. Girls want a boyfriend who listens to them, values their opinions, and treats them as equals. Respect doesn’t just mean treating her well when you’re around other people; it also means being kind and considerate when you’re alone, showing patience, and being thoughtful.
In my day, there was a lot of pressure on women to behave a certain way, but mutual respect was key. I was lucky to have friends who respected me for who I was, and I hope you will be the same type of person—a man who listens and values the feelings of the person he’s with. A respectful boyfriend is someone who makes his girl feel seen and heard, not just when things are easy, but especially when things get tough.
Be Honest and Genuine
Another thing I want to emphasize is the importance of honesty. In my time, dating was often about putting on a mask—people didn’t talk about their feelings as openly as they do today. But from my experience, there is nothing more important than being genuine with someone you care about. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to impress someone by pretending to be someone you’re not, but trust me, that never lasts. If you’re being honest and yourself, that’s the best way to build a strong foundation with someone.
In the 1960s, we didn’t talk much about feelings or emotions—people were often more reserved. But as I grew older, I realized how important it was to be honest with my partner about my thoughts, my dreams, and even my fears. Girls appreciate a boyfriend who is comfortable being real, even if it means admitting flaws or uncertainties. It’s okay to show vulnerability, because that’s what builds trust and connection.
Show You Care Through Actions, Not Just Words
When I was your age, showing affection was often done through small, meaningful actions. We didn’t have texting, social media, or all the ways to instantly communicate that you have today. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t want to feel cared for! Girls like to feel cherished, and it’s not always about the grand gestures—it’s about the small, thoughtful things.
If she’s had a bad day, a simple “I’m thinking of you” or bringing her a cup of tea can show that you care. You don’t need to buy her expensive gifts or plan extravagant dates—just paying attention to her needs and doing little things to make her feel special can go a long way.
When I was a young woman, if a boy really cared, he would take the time to listen to my thoughts, show up when he said he would, and offer help when I needed it. These small, consistent acts made me feel valued and respected. It’s not about flashy gestures but about showing you care day in and day out.
Be Supportive of Her Independence
One thing that’s very important—and I’m so glad it’s becoming more of a priority today—is the idea that girls want to feel supported in their independence. Back in the 1960s, there was a lot of pressure for women to get married young and stay at home. But times have changed, and girls today have more opportunities to pursue their careers, dreams, and passions. A good boyfriend doesn’t just support his girl, he supports her independence and encourages her to chase her goals.
I remember when I was your age, many girls felt like they had to follow the rules that society set out for us—marrying young, having children, and keeping house. I didn’t always feel that was what I wanted, but it wasn’t until later in life that I realized it was okay to have my own dreams and desires. If a girl wants to pursue her career or follow her passions, a supportive boyfriend is one who encourages her to do that, rather than try to hold her back.
Don’t Rush Things—Take Your Time
In my time, dating was a slower process—it wasn’t all about jumping into a relationship right away. We took time to get to know one another and form a deep connection before getting serious. I know that things are different today, and there’s often pressure to move quickly, but don’t rush things. Relationships take time to develop, and taking the time to really understand each other is the key to a lasting, meaningful connection.
In the 1960s, if a boy really liked a girl, he would make the effort to spend time with her and get to know her deeply. It wasn’t about rushing into physical things or rushing to label the relationship—it was about taking the time to build a solid friendship first. Girls want to feel like they can trust their boyfriend, and trust takes time to build.
Have Fun Together and Make Her Laugh
One of the best things a boyfriend can do is make his girlfriend laugh. In my day, we didn’t have all the distractions of modern technology, but we found joy in simple things—telling jokes, playing games, and sharing stories. Girls want to feel joy and laughter in a relationship, not just seriousness. So take the time to enjoy each other’s company and have fun together.
I remember that the best times I had were often just hanging out with someone who could make me laugh. Humor creates a connection, and when you can laugh together, it helps you both feel more comfortable and relaxed. So don’t take life too seriously—find the humor in the small moments and let your natural connection shine.
Be Honest About What You Want
Finally, if you really care about her, you need to be honest about your intentions. In my time, there were a lot of unspoken rules about dating, and many people didn’t really talk about what they wanted in a relationship. If you’re serious about her, don’t play games—be clear about your feelings and where you see the relationship going.
I know it might feel difficult at times to be vulnerable or to express your true emotions, but if you care for someone, being honest and direct is one of the most respectful things you can do. It avoids confusion, and it lets her know that you value her enough to be upfront about what you want in a relationship.
A Final Thought
I want you to know, Grandson, that relationships can be difficult at times. But when you approach them with respect, honesty, and kindness, you’ll be on the right path. Girls want someone who is genuine, supportive, and who values them for who they truly are.
Just remember that love and respect are the foundation of any good relationship. Don’t rush, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and always be kind and understanding. Take your time, enjoy the journey, and know that if you treat her well, she will appreciate you in return.
I’m proud of you for caring about what it takes to build a strong, healthy relationship. Keep these lessons close to your heart, and I’m sure you’ll do great.
Love SnazzyGranny