“I think your husband doesn’t like me”
“Sorry Richard what did you just say?”
“I said I don’t feel safe anymore, I think he threatened me yesterday at lunch.”
I looked around the restaurant to see if anyone was potentially eavesdropping on our conversation but most of the clientele were just idly eating their lunches, the older couple in the far corner sitting in companionable silence, the table of twenty somethings nearby were all talking at once and pouring over their phones.
Sorry, can you say that again, I think I misheard you. Are you saying that James threatened you? When?
“Yesterday at lunch”
“well I was there I don’t remember that, why didn’t you say so at the time?
I looked around for my husband, I hoped he was going to come back from the loo. But actually, no I didn’t want him to come back just yet, at least until I had worked out whether it was all a joke or something more sinister was going to take place. I felt my heart rate quicken and my breath was coming in short sharp movements. What on earth was he talking about. Had James really threatened him, surely not they had been friends since they were medical students together almost 45 years ago. They had seen each other through all that life can throw at you, the emigration of his children to Australia the long protracted illness of his late wife, a grief that had lasted 7 years and was still so painful still that he couldn’t mention her name without tears.
I looked over at him to see if I could read anything from his face. He was the gentlest, kindest GP you could ever wish to meet, the most non-judgemental person in the world and yet when I looked at him, really looked at him, he looked back at me with hatred.
“Jesus, Richard what brought this on”. I tried the slightly off hand way of questioning him. Making light of it
He sat in silence for a moment and then said
I don’t know but I feel I am at the crossroads of my life. I don’t know what I should be doing. Richard poured himself another glass of wine, nothing unusual about that, even though it was lunch time I had noticed before he could easily get through a bottle or 2 on his own.
There was a silence between us that felt uncomfortable, not the easy silence that we often enjoyed. Just sitting in his garden or in ours, looking at the view. And I was beginning to feel very uneasy.
“You know it’s not just James, I don’t feel safe with Edward either. Edward was his son who lived in Australia. You know he tried to kill me once.
Really Richard? but you and he get on so well, we’ve all just been to his wedding not 2 months ago. We all had such a lovely time. Edward was so grateful for everything you did; you drove the bridesmaids to the wedding in your Land Rover. You got up at 6 am to take the Land Rover to the car wash and to empty it of bales of hay, it was such a laugh. I know it was a bit sad that Edward’s Mum was not there to see it, but you had Jenny with you, she’s your life now.
No, she’s bloody not, she’s nothing like Sally, my kids hate her and she’s always talking to her ex-husband on the phone. She walked out on her husband because she was bored so she will probably get bored with me too and then where will I be? Homeless, at my age.
I suddenly felt very sick, with unusual clarity I could see where this was going. Shit, he was going to have a bloody nervous breakdown in front of everyone in the hotel. I scanned the room for my husband, he was being a bloody long time in the toilet, yet I didn’t really want him to come back to this.
Richard got up and left the table. I could see him at the reception desk. I think he was paying the bill for our lunch. Oh, goody he is back to normal and he just needs a breather. I sighed with relief.
I got up from my seat and went over to him at the reception desk. Just to signal all was well between us I put my arm around him to comfort him and to reassure him. I had done it hundreds of times before.
The next thing I was sent reeling. He pushed me away with such force that I almost hit the floor. At first, I didn’t know what had happened and then the horrible realisation that he had hit me. I fled to the lady’s toilet and sat on a chair. Take some deep breaths, I said to myself, in for 6, hold for 4, out for 6 again. Memories of a relaxation course I once did but never thought it did much. One of the reception staff came into the toilet and asked me if I was OK. She didn’t say much but it occurred to me then that it was all on CCTV cameras. The hotel didn’t want any trouble, they probably thought we were married, and it was a domestic incident.
After a while I went back to the table and sat down. My husband had returned to the table in the meantime and had seen it all. He had obviously assessed the situation well; he wasn’t angry with Richard just quietly said.
Have you ever felt like this before Richard?
“Yes”, he said “but never as bad”.
I think it’s best if we get you home and talk about this. Judy will drive your car, I am as drunk as you are, we will put you to bed and we will never speak about this again.
